


Alone

by a_solitary_marshmallow



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, What the Hell, but its okay because its temporary, i was planning on uploading this later but hey, im not gonna do much else with it, may as well post it now, no beta we die like men, yeah taako's gonna suffer a bit here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25145305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_solitary_marshmallow/pseuds/a_solitary_marshmallow
Summary: Taako is left alone for a whole cycle. Taako is... really not meant to be alone.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I feel kinda bad about writing for a fandom I usually don't write? But the adventure zone has been one of my favourite fandoms and I couldn't resist. This was written in a hurry, so please tell me if I've made a spelling or grammatical error!
> 
> Also, fun story - I'm apparently very stupid, because I've been using the wrong text setting when posting on here, so nothing can be in bolt or italics. I've FINALLY fixed it (hopefully) It was literally right there. I'm such a small brain.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! And let me know what you think in the comments :)

This was the worst cycle ever.

Well, Taako did say that a lot. About the ocean plane, of course – who wanted to eat only seafood for a whole year? And obviously he’d complained about the rocky, jewel-encrusted planet. As sparkly as they were, those rocks got pretty fucking boring after a few weeks.

But as far as Taako could remember, this was the first time someone had actually _agreed_ with him. And it hadn’t even been Magnus, who often agreed with things on principle because a member of the crew said so. It was fucking _Davenport_. If Davenport was agreeing with Taako’s whining, then shit was really going down.

This world didn’t look so dangerous at first. It held a vast assortment of biomes, each one more dazzling than the next. They’d flown over forests and sparkling oceans and fields bursting with life while they searched for a place to land the Starblaster. There were hints of intelligent creatures, too. Occasionally they would come across a road or a bridge.

The Light fell only days into their exploration, zinging across the horizon. They finally landed, near where Barry and Lup predicted the Light would have landed, and right next to a thriving town of locals. They were all dwarves, and were happy to point the IPRE crew towards the flash of light they had seen earlier that day.

With the Light of Creation safely retrieved, the crew settled down for – dare he say it? – a non-life-threatening cycle. Lucretia took long trips to the dwarves’ library, while Cap’nport spent time talking with the locals and learning all he could about this plane. Apparently while their spring and summer were mild, their winter equivalent was a stormy season that could last for months at a time. Probably why they were stocking up on supplies while the sunshine lasted.

Magnus delighted in playing with the wild canine creatures who vaguely resembled dogs. He barely noticed when the little things bit him. Davenport had to firmly put his foot down when the big guy wanted to bring one aboard the ship. And Taako was actually kind of… chill? After the first few days, when nothing lunged out and tried to kill them and the Light was firmly in their grasp, Takko allowed himself to relax somewhat. It was nice. Especially after the last few cycles.

Merle went to _Parlay_ with that John guy quickly, eager to get back to where they’d left off late last year. The old dwarf could do whatever he wanted to do. With a peaceful year ahead, they didn’t urgently need a healer – not that they really had one anyway, Taako added when Merle suggested the idea of an early parlay. He was rewarded with Merle flipping him off and Lup cackling. After a few hours of meditating Merle’s spectral form went _poof_ and that was that for the year.

Then Lucretia started coughing.

It was Davenport who first noticed it, when they’d gathered for dinner one evening in the Starblaster. He eyed Lucretia worriedly from across the table as she coughed into her elbow.

“Are you alright?”

“Just a sore throat.” Lucretia waved away his concerns. “One of the children who works at the library had a cold recently so I may have caught it.”

“Do you want me to make you a honey lemon tea?” Lup offered kindly, and Lucretia smiled at her.

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

“Yeah, just keep those kid germs to yourself please Lucy. Taako doesn’t _do_ colds.” Taako said lazily. Lucretia rolled her eyes. “But today just so happens to be your lucky day! Since Lup is such a wimp when it comes to colds I have _perfected_ the art of chicken soup.”

Lucretia’s coughing went on for several days before the fever hit, and Davenport assigned her mandatory bed rest until she recovered.

She did not recover.

If anything she just got worse and worse, coughing up phlegm and sweating up a storm, no matter how many fantasy aspirin they gave her. It was when Davenport started showing the same symptoms that they went to talk to the dwarves.

The leader of the village, a kindly-faced dwarf named Rye, was perplexed in the face of this development. They had never seen this kind of illness, they confessed to the IPRE members. Sure, their village had colds and the like, but dwarves were hardy and no case had ever gotten this serious, let alone for a fit young person like Lucretia. Perhaps the travellers were weak to this world’s illnesses? Luckily their local medic had a solution.

“They are wards against illness.” The wizened old dwarf explained as she handed each crewmate a small amulet. Taako frowned at the one pressed into his hand – it was plain and wooden, a simple disk on a leather cord. Really not the TaakoTM style. “They have been blessed by the goddess.”

“Why doesn’t everyone wear one all the time? Especially the children.” Barry asked, slipping his over his neck. The medic tipped her head.

“Illnesses are a natural part of life. Being exposed to them helps strengthen the constitution and grow children into healthy young dwarves. These artifacts are costly to create, so only the old and the weak wear them, as at that time such small illnesses could be fatal. The amulets help them live longer to pass on their wisdom.”

Davenport held out his hand for his amulet, but the medic frowned.

“Are you the one who is already infected?”

“Yes, perhaps.” Davenport said warily. “I’m not sure. Why?”

“The amulets only work in _preventing_ disease. They cannot treat symptoms. I would recommend some other treatment for you and your ill crewmate, but we have no cure; the sickness normally goes away by itself, for us.” The medic paused to consider something for a moment, before handing him the trinket. “I suppose, no harm can come of it, though it is the last of our stock. I don’t know why you people are affected so strongly by a simple cold, but given the gravity of your mission here we cannot take risks. All of you must wear these wards at all times.”

“So, immunity necklaces? Nice.” Lup mused. The medic sighed.

“Not immunity. They merely provide resistance. Please be careful, travellers; it seems our fate is held entirely in your hands. May the Goddess be with you.”

Taako took that to mean they were dismissed. He moseyed out, the rest of the crew coming after him, and they retreated back to the Starblaster.

The amulets only helped prevent someone from _catching_ illnesses. They could not treat symptoms. So for those who were already exposed, had the virus lurking in their system, the trinkets really were just trinkets. Pieces of wood.

They didn’t help as Davenport’s cough became worse.

They didn’t help when Magnus collapsed in the hallway one day and it took Lup, Barry and Taako’s combined efforts to move him to bed.

They didn’t help as Lucretia tossed and turned and moaned, delirious with fever dreams and burning up from the inside out.

The wards may as well have been doing jack shit because one day, weeks later, Taako walked into Lucretia’s room to find Lup crying over her body. Taakp rushed over and hugged his sister while she sobbed. Lucretia’s face was twisted in a grimace of pain, dried tear tracks staining her now cold and lifeless cheeks. It made Taako winced.

“Hey, goofus, it’s okay. She’ll be back next year, remember?” Taako tried to keep a lightness in his tone to comfort her. It evidently didn’t have the right effect because Lup punched him in the shoulder. Taako had never been much good at comforting. Instead he wrapped his arms around her wordlessly, and Lup hugged him back.

Yeah. Barry started coughing in the next room and kinda ruined the whole comforting moment. Lup went stiff in Taako’s grip.

“ _Taako_.”

“I heard.”

“Barry – if Barry dies too – it’s a _year_ , Taako.”

“I know.” Taako hugged her tight. Lup buried her face in his shoulder.

“I-I can’t watch him suffer. Not like Lucretia did. Oh gods, what if they all die? What if it’s just us? I CAN’T FLY THE STARBLASTER TAAKO!”

“What, and you think I can? Look, we’ll figure it out. We always do.” Taako forced some optimism into his voice for Lup’s sake. “Anyway, who says Bluejeans is infected? He’s probably just choking on water again, because he’s a giant _nerd_ who forgets you can’t drink and breathe at the same time.”

Lup laughed wetly, which Taako took as a good sign. Thank gods. Seeing Lup scared – Lup didn’t do _scared_. She did angry, and melancholy, and gleeful, but Lup was never _scared_.

Taako stood, pulling his sister with him off the cold bed. “Alright, I’ll clean up in here. You can go and give Bluejeans mouth-to-mouth or whatever.” He grinned when Lup coloured and her ears went back with embarrassment. Taako made a shooing gesture with his hands. “Go on, git! Cha’boy’s busy here.”

When Lup left the room Taako gave himself exactly ten seconds to grieve. Ten seconds to droop and wish this cycle would fucking end already because he was gonna miss his stupid fucking family, Merle and Lucretia and whoever else decided to kick the bucket from a stupid cold.

Ten seconds over. Taako straightened, pulled in a deep breath, and started casting _flame_. Bodies were infectious, and they didn’t have time for burials.

Barry went down the fastest. It had snuck up on him over his time tending to the others, and it hit him hard and fast. Feverish within the day. Letting out wet hacking coughs like his lungs were turning to putty by nightfall. Taako had to admit, he was a stubborn guy even when hacking his lungs up. He demanded to be put by Davenport, who was in much the same shape. Lup stayed up all night and day with them, placing wet cloths on their foreheads, whispering softly to Barry when he was lucid and holding his hand when he wasn’t.

Barry cast _Spare the Dying_ as many times as he could for the Captain before he succumbed. With a final rattling breath, Davenport quickly followed.

They hoped for Magnus. The human was tough – it took a lot to take him down. Surely the great Magnus Burnsides wouldn’t be bested by a _cold_. He seemed to be getting better, too. After almost a week of fevers and pain and wheezing, he had been able to sit up and drink some soup. Taako had been making a _lot_ of soup, just in case someone was well enough to drink it. It took up most of his time, actually, making more soup than the whole crew could ever drink.

Taako fell asleep by the big guy’s bed while waiting for Magnus to finish his soup. He woke up the next morning and Magnus was dead. The whole shebang, face pale with the red spots on his cheeks faded, bowl of soup spilled across his covers from feverish twitching. Figured. That stupid optimist and his giving-false-hope. Taako most certainly did not cry a bit.

Lup emerged from a shower just as Taako was levitating the body outside, her hair wet. Her face crumpled when she took in the scene before her.

“Oh. I thought…”

“Yeah. This sucks balls.” Taako muttered. Lup pulled out her Umbrastaff to help him with the levitation, and Taako suddenly realized something that made his heart stop. “LUP YOUR CHARM!”

Lup froze, clutching at her chest where the small wooden disk _should_ be. She bolted back to the bathroom to retrieve the forgotten amulet. Taako hurriedly levitated the lump of meat that used to be Magnus outside and disintegrated it with a quick flame spell. He met Lup back in the common room, the amulet once again resting against the lapels of her IPRE jacket.

Lup was curled up on the couch. Taako trudged over and flopped down on top of her, letting her carry his weight and stroke his hair. The Starblaster was awfully quiet around them. Taako closed his eyes and tried to focus on the sounds of his sister breathing.

“It’s just us now.” Lup whispered. It seemed wrong to speak loudly. Their home was a cemetery and they did not want to stir up ghosts.

“Yeah. Like old times.” Taako agreed and burrowed into her cloak.

“The old times fucking sucked.”

“Yeah. Sucked less with you in it, though.”

Lup ran her fingers through Taako’s hair, teasing apart the knots that had formed. “Ditto, bro.”

“We’ll be okay.”

“Yeah. And everyone will be back before we know it, right?”

“Oh man, I’m never gonna let Magnus hear the end of this. Kicked the bucket because of a _cold_.” Taako chuckled.

“An alien cold that killed over fifty percent of our crew.”

“Just let me have this, will you?”

“You’re a dingus.”

“Obviously. And you’re a _nerd_.”

Lup didn’t have a comeback for that, so she rested her chin on Taako’s head and they sat there for a very long time.

**Two weeks later**

“Just like old times, right Lup? Of course, in the old times you actually appreciated when I spent hours slaving in the kitchen to cook for you. Typical.”

If Taako thought she would respond to that, he was wrong. He groaned in frustration and tried to hold his sister’s head still while she writhed in the grips of fever dreams.

“You need to eat something, goofus. Now do you want the soup or not?”

Taako moved the spoon of broth towards Lup’s mouth and poured it between her lips. She choked on it, spluttering and hacking with reverberating coughs that sounded painful and made Taako winced. He rubbed her back until the choking settled down and Lup’s head lolled against his knees.

“Okay. No soup, gotcha.”

Of course. Of course Lup had to forget her amulet at the worst time, and catch whatever sickness was in the air. Stupid spores. Did viruses have spores? Taako didn’t know, he wasn’t the nerd of the team. The one who would know, Bluejeans, was currently a pile of ashes on the ground outside.

Everyone was a pile of ashes. The pilot. The chronicler. The warrior. Now it was just Taako and Lup.

Except it wasn’t them anymore. Lup moaned and plucked fretfully at the sheets. It broke Taako’s heart to see her in so much pain. He gritted his teeth and placed the bowl of broth on her nightstand.

“Lulu, you’re – you’re not gonna get better, are you?”

She answered with a groan and a twitch. What kind of dreams was she having? Whatever they were, they didn’t sound pleasant. Her skin burned against his.

“You’re just gonna get sicker and sicker and then you’re gonna die.” Taako whispered. “You’re gonna suffer and I’ll be left alone anyway.”

He couldn’t let her suffer. Gods, she was his _sister_. But what was he supposed to fucking do? In this moment Taako hated transmutation magic. Useless, useless to help his twin when she was in pain, fighting to not leave him alone for a year.

A _year_. Taako shuddered. Lucretia had been alone for a year. The chronicler, whose life revolved around recording and knowledge and stories, had refused to talk about that year. The idea of living out a _whole_ cycle alone made Taako’s stomach twist. Fuck, he had never been alone for a day, let alone a year. Even in those awful cycles where Lup died before him, there had always been Barry to keep him company, Magnus to barge into his room and take him out on adventures when Taako was slipping into depression, Davenport to make him cups of tea, Lucretia to talk to while she wrote in her journal and recorded his favourite recipes.

And every other day of his miserable life, he’d had Lup. The shining beacon who lit his life and knew him better than he knew himself.

And she was suffering. Needlessly, stupidly, because she was just gonna die anyway and Taako would be _alone_. For a sick moment he imagined what he could do to keep her with him, even in this sickly state. He could learn Spare the Dying, couldn’t he? It was a cantrip, he could just keep casting it, forcing her heart to keep beating and her lungs to keep inflating even when she would never get better. When she would just… be in constant agony. Because Taako was a fucking coward.

Taako’s hands buzzed as he slowly, slowly reached across for Lup’s pillow. In her tossing she had dislodged it from under her head.

Taako felt sick. 

She was just gonna suffer for weeks. Lup was strong, she would hold on as long as she could. And every hour, every minute this dragged out was a minute she was burning up from the inside.

Fuck. Taako couldn’t just let her suffer. Even if he hated himself for it. Lup deserved more. Gods damn it, Lup _deserved better_ than this! And Taako was gonna fucking made it right.

“I love you Lulu.” Taako’s voice broke. “I love you so fucking much.”

Before his resolve could weaken, Taako shoved the pillow over her face. He squeezed his eyes shut at the hiccupping gasp that issued, muffled, through the fabric. Lup twitched under it and Taako bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood, and then kept biting.

She didn’t even put up a fight. Her chest shuddered with breath, and then it weakened, and there were no more breaths. Taako couldn’t let go of the pillow. His fists were clutching it so tight it felt like a part of him.

Seconds ticked by. Minutes. His ears roared. Finally, finally Taako was able to sit back, trembling; to slowly unclench his fists and pry his hands away from the fucking pillow. He couldn’t look at Lup’s still face. He threw the pillow across the room and snarled a curse.

Fuck this stupid plane. Fuck this goddamn virus and fuck this _stupid pillow_! Bile rushed up his throat and he hurled over the side of the bed before collapsing next to Lup, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in her neck. She was still warm. If Taako closed his eyes and imagined hard, he could pretend her chest was still moving with the rise and fall of breaths. That she would roll over and hug him back and say something about clinginess.

She didn’t. Taako curled up next to his sister’s corpse and tried not to think about the awful, lonely year stretching out ahead of him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be nice to me I wrote this in a hurry because I didn't want to leave my boi :(

**Week 1**

Taako made a calendar. Of course, calendars were for weaklings who couldn’t count the days, and so he would never admit to it. But he made a calendar. Every morning he would tick off another day. He deliberately did not look at the many, many days ahead. He was a hundred and fifty years old; one more would be a snap.

Actually, it wasn’t even a whole year. They had been here for maybe two months before everyone kicked the bucket, so Taako only had ten more months to go.

He kept busy around the Starblaster. There were things to be done, after all – for example, tipping out the massive tubs of soup he’d been cooking over the past month. Soup was great and all but Taako did not do leftovers. If it was two days old, it was dog food. (A rule he couldn’t afford to have when he and Lup had lived on the streets)

Well, with only one person on the Starblaster, he’d have enough rations to last the whole year. Like hell he was going outside and risking death by whatever this planet had in store. He had to pilot this motherfucker. Now that Davenport was…

Well. For now, he had some soup to deal with.

**Week 2**

The ship was so quiet. No matter how loud Taako blasted music the quiet hung so oppressively. He hadn’t realized how large a void the group’s presence had left.

**Week 4**

Taako was beginning to get cooped up in the ship. There were only so many times you could wander down the same halls before going crazy. A change of scenery did help a bit – he took to alternating between which room he slept in. His own was too familiar – and he couldn’t face going into Lup’s just yet.

Magnus’s bed was big and worn – the springs creaked when Taako climbed into it. It was piled up with blankets accumulated from different planes ad everything smelled of Magnus. Every surface was cluttered with woodcarvings and weapons and – honestly, Taako wasn’t sure what most of those things were. But it was warm and homey and some nights he could curl up in that big bed and not be plagued by nightmares.

Davenport’s room, in contrast, was neat and orderly, everything in its place and very little personality evident. Hints showed through the cracks, though. His dog-eared copy of _Moby Dick_ on the bedside table. His curtains were all in silver with leaves embroidered around the edges, certainly not standard issue. Everything smelled clean and safe and though it was gnome-sized, it was just big enough to hide in when things got tough or the silence became unbearable.

Lucretia’s room was filled to bursting with books. Taako spent hours lounging on her neatly made bed and reading through her journals, each one recounting cycles long passed. He had to admit, she certainly had a knack for descriptions. Her journal about the beach world was his favourite though.

Merle’s room was… plant-filled. Taako didn’t go there much. Yeeeah, he really didn’t need to know what Merle got up to in his free time.

But Barry’s room was calming. It was in slight disarray, a few pairs of jeans strewn on the floor and lab equipment and diagrams cluttering every surface. Some of his spellcasting books were good reading, though. And apparently Barry had a knack for drawing because Taako would sometimes come across beautiful sketches of Lup. Lup, laughing at the kitchen table. Lup, grinning her mischievous grin that meant something was probably on fire. Lup, serene and sleepy, curled up on the couch. Lup, casting spells with shining eyes and a triumphant smile.

Barry’s room was his favourite.

**Week 8**

A storm had cast the world into darkness. First the thick clouds had blotted out the sun, then harsh winds whipped at the Starblaster. For a while Taako had thought that the Hunger really had found him, and he curled up shivering under the table. But it was just a storm.

**Week 9**

Apparently the storms here lasted for ages. Maybe that’s what the dwarves were talking about earlier? Taako couldn’t really remember what Davenport said about it. He was beginning to wish he’d paid more attention.

He’d long since started sleeping instead of trancing. It took up more time every night, which left less time for him to spend awake. There were nightmares of course, but the nightmares came regardless.

**Week 10**

A clap of thunder made him drop his coffee.

**Week 12?**

Taako wasn’t exactly sure what day it was. Since the sky was always heavy and grey he’d lost track of how many days had passed. A few long sleeps since he’d last checked? Or maybe those were naps. He couldn’t tell.

**Week ???**

With the storm dying down for the first time in ages, Taako took a shot at teaching himself how to fly. The Starblaster’s controls thrummed under his hands like an old friend. He just barely avoided driving it into a cliff. Taako wasn’t game to try and fly back to the village, so he settled down next to the cliff and hoped it would shield the ship when the wind picked back up.

**Month???**

A rock fall half-buried the Starblaster with Taako inside. It took him hours and numerous spell spots to carve a pathway out, hours more to start unearthing the ship. Maybe parking next to a cliff hadn’t been the best idea. There were huge dents in the ship’s hull and the bond engine had a long crack branching across it. Thank gods it was still humming.

Taako couldn’t get the Starblaster to fly, to look around for the parts he needed to fix it. He only had a vague concept of what those parts were. He settled for using magic to ease out the dents, and did his best to fix the terrifying crack in the engine. Many, many mending spells later, the ship was finally intact enough for him to fly it away from that fucking cliff.

**???**

The winter storm was finally dying down.

**??????**

It was so quiet. The silence rang in his head and made his ears hurt. Where _was_ everything? Where was the wind and rain and white noise that had become his version of quiet? All he could hear was the hum of the engine and the sound of his own breathing.

The days all blurred together. At least the rising and setting of the sun reminded Taako when it was time to eat. He had forgotten to eat for a lot of the winter season. It came as a morbid surprise that his ribs were more prominent than usual. Taako had been walking past the kitchen and caught his reflection in a window, his shirt hanging off his frame. When he lifted it his ribs stuck out like rungs of a ladder.

Hmm. Maybe he should be eating more.

**???????**

Colour was leeching out of the world. It made Taako’s heart pound, made him feel sick. He bolted for the Starblaster’s controls while the howl of the Hunger screamed around him.

Taako paused to take a deep breath and tip his hat to a jaunty angle, before grabbing hold of the wheel.


	3. Chapter 3

Lup remembered getting sick.

She remembered feeling an itch in her lungs, and Taako looking terrified, and being so very hot. She vaguely remembered trying to comfort him. She would get through this. She wouldn’t leave him alone. She would fight her hardest to stay with him.

That was the last thing she remembered, when light burst behind her eyelids and she felt herself reforming on the deck of the Starblaster.

Lup’s eyes flew open, taking in the darkness of space around them. At the helm Davenport was looking around, as if trying to figure out how he’d gotten there. He’d been piloting the ship, right?

No, Davenport had kicked the bucket before she did. Did Taako fly the Starblaster? He must have, if they were all back.

 _Taako_. Shit, Lup had died, hadn’t she? Taako’s hand was in hers but it was cold and limp. Lup whirled to grab his shoulders.

“Oh my gods, Ko, I’m so sorry! I said I wouldn’t leave you and then I went and got sick too, fuck.”

Taako stared at her with tear-filled eyes. Stared at her like she was a ghost. It was a look she’d never seen on her brother before, and it scared her. Lup shook him gently.

“Koko?”

He didn’t respond and Lup shook him harder, her voice cracking.

“ _Taako_!”

He lunged forward and wrapped his arms around her. Lup squeezed her brother tight as he clung to her, sobs bubbling up in his chest. _Gods_. She’d really fucked up this time. Lup hugged her twin as tight as she could and buried her face in his hair.

“Hey, Koko, it’s okay. I’m here. We’re all here.”

Soft footsteps. Lup lifted her face to see the rest of the crew watching with concern on their faces. Magnus stepped forward and reached out to touch Taako’s back, then hesitated.

“What happened?” He asked.

“Um. Well, we all carked it.” Lup very carefully did not let go of her shaking brother. Holy shit, Taako was crying _in front of everyone_. Like he didn’t even care anymore. “Pretty early in the year, actually.”

Magnus winced. “Damn. I kinda hoped you guys would both make it.”

“Nope. Just Ko.” Lup glanced up to Barry. The sight of him alive and well made her heart sing, but right now she had bigger things to deal with. “Care-Bear, help me take him to his room?”

“Um, yeah, sure Lup.”

With their combined guidance, they led Taako to his room. The door hung open. It was exactly as it was the last time Lup saw it, early last year. _Exactly_ , except for the thick layer of dust. What the fuck? Had Taako not even been in his own room?

Apparently not, because Taako was walking directly past to go into a different room – Barry’s.

“Ko?” Lup said gently. Taako jumped.

“Oh. Uh, yeah, right. Gotta give Barry his space huh?” Taako’s voice shook. His hand was very cold in Lup’s. Taako gave her a brittle smile and Lup returned it before turning to a rather confused-looking Barry.

“Bar, do you mind if we take this to your room?”

“Sure.” Barry shrugged, and Lup walked forward, pulling her brother and her boyfriend with her.

Taako immediately went to the bed. Lup and Barry watched as he pulled himself up and hugged his knees to his chest, with none of the flamboyance Taako usually embodied.

“Can we join?” Lup asked. Taako nodded. She crawled up to join him, pulling his head into his lap to play with his hair. Barry hesitated, uncertain. Lup motioned him over and he sat on Taako’s other side with one hand on his leg, the other hand held in Lup’s.

Gods, Taako was still shaking. Lup paused to gather her thoughts before asking quietly, “Was it that bad?”

“It was kinda shitty.” Taako muttered, which made Barry snicker. The soft human shuffled closer until his shoulder was nearly touching Lup’s with Taako curled up between them. It was a testament to Taako’s upset that he didn’t complain or kick him. “Really quiet without all you dipshits around.”

“Gee thanks.” Barry said dryly. “By the way, was that a _calendar_ I saw on the way here?”

“Shut up Bluejeans, calendars are for weaklings.”

“Sure, sure. But hypothetically, if someone had made and filled out a calendar in the last year, is there a reason they would have stopped filling it out part-way through?”

Taako shifted on Lup’s lap. “Well the months-long winter with no day or night cycles might fuck with someone’s sense of time. Just a theory.”

“Hmm.”

Lup ran her hands through her brothers hair a few times before saying, “I’m sorry I left you. I really tried.”

Taako made a sound that didn’t sit well with her – a bitter noise. Lup’s ears flattened.

“What’s wrong?”

Taako shook his head stubbornly. “Nothing.”

“Taako we’ve lived together for a hundred and fifty years. I know when you’re lying to me you little shit. What’s going on?”

Taako turned his head away, but now Lup was getting worried. Well, more worried than before.

“ _Taako_.” She said warningly.

“Ah, fuck, whatever.” Her twin muttered. “No big deal, ‘kay? Just didn’t want you to suffer. Your boy-toy over here made it look painful.”

Lup stiffened.

“I mean, dying from a fever sucked big-time.” Barry said. “I don’t get it. Lup?”

 _Shit_. “Taako, tell me you didn’t.”

“You were dying!” Taako defended. “Sorry if it pisses you off, next time I won’t-”

“I’m not mad because of _me_ , who fucking cares?” Lup shouted. Taako’s ears flattened. “Gods, Taako, you shouldn’t have to – _shit_.” She tugged at her hair. Her vision was blurring as tears welled up. “Taako, I love you, I couldn’t – you shouldn’t have had to do that. I’m _so_ sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Barry demanded. Taako threw an arm over his eyes so he didn’t have to look at them.

“For making me kill my fucking sister. Gods, Barold, read between the lines will ya?”

“Um.” Barry said. And then, “Oh. _Oh_.”

Lup groaned. Just imagining it – a year alone, a year knowing you had killed your best friend, and yeah, sure, it was a mercy killing but… “ _Shit_ , Taako.”

Her twin glared up at her. “Oh, like you can say you wouldn’t do the same thing for me?”

Lup flushed. “That is entirely besides the point.”

“Will you guys just shut up and hug me? It’s been like a year, Taako deserves a fucking hug already!” Taako snapped. It would have been bratty if his voice hadn’t cracked, if his eyes weren’t swollen and red-rimmed from crying, if he wasn’t still shaking. Lup kicked herself. Sure, she could be upset and mad at herself later. Right now her brother was hurting.

Lup pulled Taako back into her lap and ran her fingers through his hair, Barry leaning against her side and rubbing Taako’s arm soothingly. What a teddy bear. She loved Bluejeans so fucking much.

Taako buried his face in her jacket and kept shaking.

“Hey, Barry, can you- um.” A voice hesitated. Lup glanced up to see Magnus’s burly silhouette in the doorway. “Are we doing cuddle piles? Can I join?”

Lup waved him over and Magnus hurried to join them with a gleeful smile. He crashed onto the bed next to them, sending the bedsprings creaking, happily settling in with his torso laying across Taako’s legs and his arms reaching up to wrap around both Lup and Barry. That did _not_ look comfortable for the big guy. Magnus was warm and solid and Taako grumbled a greeting, patting the human’s arm blindly.

“Thanks for the soup.” Magnus added to the half-buried elf. “Sorry for kicking the bucket before I got to finish it. I promise it was really good.”

Barry made a sound. “Hang on, did you die in the middle of a meal?”

“I was very very sick!” Magnus defended. “I lasted longer than you anyway, Denim in Distress.”

“Hardy ha.”

Magnus perked up. “Oh! Hang on, we need to get the others in here! CUDDLE PILE!” The sudden yell made Lup flinch.

“You can’t seriously think that the others will-”

The frantic tapping of footsteps cut Lup off and then Lucretia flew through the door and tackled someone (maybe all of them, at this point it was hard to tell) in a hug. Magnus laughed in delight and reached up to catch her before she slid off the bed. Lucretia stared at them, wide-eyed and red-cheeked.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry. I just, I didn’t know if you’d want me to join and then I heard…”

“Of course we do, ‘Cretia.” Lup cajoled. “Get in here. We’re cheering up Taako.”

Lucretia’s smile was less shy than usual, bright and glowing. “In that case, how can I resist?”

She slid herself next to Magnus and rubbed slow circles on Taako’s back. Soon they were joined by Merle, who quirked an eyebrow before flopping straight onto the pile, and Davenport, who entered under the guise of looking for the crew and joined for the sake of ‘team bonding’. Like Lup couldn’t see the content smile on his face.

Yeah, things kinda sucked for Taako right now. But the Starblaster was filled to the brim with life, and for the first time in months he slept a deep, dreamless sleep.

“Did it.” He mumbled, teetering on the edge of unconsciousness. Someone hummed sleepily and someone else muttered something about responsibility while a third person told them to shut up and enjoy the moment. “Fuckin did it.”


End file.
